Miss Night's Marbles

Musings, mumbles, marvels, and sometimes mockery, live from kindergarten.

Miss Night Mutters. Literally.

First: WOW.

My last post, from just a few days ago —  Dear Parent: About THAT Kid… — has gone viral. 1.3 million hits and counting. It has been featured on the Washington Post education blog, and will soon appear on a few other sites, as well. I’m sharing this, not to blow my own horn, but rather, to THANK all of you, who helped that happen. For a blizzard of reasons, that post has hit a nerve. I am so honoured and touched by the stories that have been shared in the comments, and by the personal e-mails so many of you have sent me. Thank you so much for sharing your stories, for connecting with me and one another, and for spreading that post the full length and breadth of social media in all its forms. Wow. You guys are amazing. A million readers, and all through “organic spread” (which means, I have learned, that there was no paid promotion of the piece). Just you all, spreading it via digital word of mouth. Do you know how awesome that is?

Part of the attention that the post has drawn came in the form of a radio interview that I did today, and while it makes me feel a little bit naked-on-the-internet to share my full real name and school here (where I have always been semi-anonymous), I wanted to share it with you. The host asks some questions that have come up in many of the comments on the blog, and I was so grateful to have the opportunity to answer them.


Miss Night Mutters. Literally.

So, there you have it: my ACTUAL voice, amplifying our collective voice, about being kind, fair, respectful, and compassionate to ALL the children and families in our care.

Thank you guys.  SO MUCH.

And, coming soon, by your request: a follow-up Dear Parent letter, about how teachers are looking after YOUR child in the classroom, when YOUR child is not THAT child.

Love and so many blessings, friends. You amaze me.


Miss Night



Dear Parent: About THAT kid…

Dear Parent:

I know. You’re worried. Every day, your child comes home with a story about THAT kid. The one who is always hitting shoving pinching scratching maybe even biting other children. The one who always has to hold my hand in the hallway. The one who has a special spot at the carpet, and sometimes sits on a chair rather than the floor. The one who had to leave the block centre because blocks are not for throwing. The one who climbed over the playground fence right exactly as I was telling her to stop. The one who poured his neighbour’s milk onto the floor in a fit of anger. On purpose. While I was watching.  And then, when I asked him to clean it up, emptied the ENTIRE paper towel dispenser. On purpose. While I was watching. The one who dropped the REAL ACTUAL F-word in gym class.

You’re worried that THAT child is detracting from your child’s learning experience. You’re worried that he takes up too much of my time and energy, and that your child won’t get his fair share. You’re worried that she is really going to hurt someone some day. You’re worried that “someone” might be your child. You’re worried that your child is going to start using aggression to get what she wants. You’re worried your child is going to fall behind academically because I might not notice that he is struggling to hold a pencil. I know.

Your child, this year, in this classroom, at this age, is not THAT child. Your child is not perfect, but she generally follows rules. He is able to share toys peaceably. She does not throw furniture. He raises his hand to speak. She works when it is time to work, and  plays when it is time to play. He can be trusted to go straight to the bathroom and straight back again with no shenanigans. She thinks that the S-word is “stupid” and the C-word is “crap.” I know.

I know, and I am worried, too.

You see, I worry all the time. About ALL of them. I worry about your child’s pencil grip, and another child’s letter sounds, and that little tiny one’s shyness, and that other one’s chronically empty lunchbox. I worry that Gavin’s coat is not warm enough, and that Talitha’s dad yells at her for printing the letter B backwards. Most of my car rides and showers are consumed with the worrying.

But I know, you want to talk about THAT child. Because Talitha’s backward Bs are not going to give your child a black eye.

I want to talk about THAT child, too, but there are so many things I can’t tell you.

I can’t tell you that she was adopted from an orphanage at 18 months.

I can’t tell you that he is on an elimination diet for possible food allergies, and that he is therefore hungry ALL. THE. TIME.

I can’t tell you that her parents are in the middle of a horrendous divorce, and she has been staying with her grandma.

I can’t tell you that I’m starting to worry that grandma drinks…

I can’t tell you that his asthma medication makes him agitated.

I can’t tell you that her mom is a single parent, and so she (the child) is at school from the moment before-care opens, until the moment after-care closes, and then the drive between home and school takes 40 minutes, and so she (the child) is getting less sleep than most adults.

I can’ tell you that he has been a witness to domestic violence.

That’s okay, you say. You understand I can’t share personal or family information. You just want to know what I am DOING about That Child’s behaviour.

I would love to tell you. But I can’t.

I can’t tell you that she receives speech-language services, that an assessment showed a severe language delay, and that the therapist feels the aggression is linked to frustration about being unable to communicate.

I can’t tell you that I meet with his parents EVERY week, and that both of them usually cry at those meetings.

I can’t tell you that the child and I have a secret hand signal to tell me when she needs to sit by herself for a while.

I can’t tell you that he spends rest time curled in my lap because “it makes me feel better to hear your heart, Teacher.”

I can’t tell you that I have been meticulously tracking her aggressive incidents for 3 months, and that she has dropped from 5 incidents a day, to 5 incidents a week.

I can’t tell you that the school secretary has agreed that I can send him to the office to “help” when I can tell he needs a change of scenery.

I can’t tell you that I have stood up in a staff meeting and, with tears in my eyes, BEGGED my colleagues to keep an extra close eye on her, to be kind to her even when they are frustrated that she just punched someone AGAIN, and this time, RIGHT IN FRONT OF A TEACHER.

The thing is, there are SO MANY THINGS I can’t tell you about That Child. I can’t even tell you the good stuff.

I can’t tell you that his classroom job is to water the plants, and that he cried with heartbreak when one of the plants died over winter break.

I can’t tell you that she kisses her baby sister goodbye every morning, and whispers “You are my sunshine” before mom pushes the stroller away.

I can’t tell you that he knows more about thunderstorms than most meteorologists.

I can’t tell you that she often asks to help sharpen the pencils during playtime.

I can’t tell you that she strokes her best friend’s hair at rest time.

I can’t tell you that when a classmate is crying, he rushes over with his favourite stuffy from the story corner.


The thing is, dear parent, that I can only talk to you about YOUR child. So, what I can tell you is this:

If ever, at any point, YOUR child, or any of your children, becomes THAT child…

I will not share your personal family business with other parents in the classroom.

I will communicate with you frequently, clearly, and kindly.

I will make sure there are tissues nearby at all our meetings, and if you let me, I will hold your hand when you cry.

I will advocate for your child and family to receive the highest quality of specialist services, and I will cooperate with those professionals to the fullest possible extent.

I will make sure your child gets extra love and affection when she needs it most.

I will be a voice for your child in our school community.

I will, no matter what happens, continue to look for, and to find, the good, amazing, special, and wonderful things about your child.

I will remind him and YOU of those good amazing special wonderful things, over and over again.

And when another parent comes to me, with concerns about YOUR child…

I will tell them all of this, all over again.


With so much love;


Update, November 24, 2014: Many of you have contacted me, asking for ways to help THAT kid, or to help spread this message. With enormous gratitude, my latest post describes some ways you can help.

Update, Nov 21, 2014 – Due to the overwhelming popularity of this piece, please note the following, in regards to sharing and distribution. I hate that I have to say this, but I thank you for your understanding.

  • I retain the sole rights to the piece, and it cannot be re-printed or re-posted in its entirety, without my express permission.
  • You are most welcome to share the link to the original piece in whatever form you choose, to whatever population you choose.
  • Bloggers and websites are welcome to share an excerpt (up to 200 words), with a link back to the original post.
  • If you wish to re-post the piece in its entirety, on any website or network, please contact me to ask for my permission to do so.
  • If you wish to translate the piece in its entirety, for any purposes, please contact me for my permission to do so.
  • If you wish to include the piece in any print publication, including newsletters or newspapers, please contact me for my permission to do so.


Note: comments on this post are heavily moderated. I am delighted to host productive, respectful conversation, but am not comfortable being the venue for attacks on teachers, parents, children or “the system”. I wrote this post as a call to compassion and understanding; comments that are not aligned with that purpose will not be approved. Thank you for your understanding. 


Chuck the Chart, part 2: Behaviour is like reading…

This is part 2 of a multi-part series about about how and why to consider removing a chart-based behavior management “system” from your classroom.

To read the introduction to the entire series, click here.

To read part 1, about why behaviour charts are no good for kids, click here.

I know. I promised in the last post that I would lay out a way to talk to you administrators about chucking your chart, but here’s the thing: to talk to anyone (admin, parents, even students) about how to manage a classroom without a chart, I feel like we need to have a shared understanding conceptualization of what, exactly, behaviour is and is not.

For me, running a relationship-based classroom comes down to this: I believe that behaviour is a skill, rather than an innate expression of character. As a skill, behaviour is something that can be learned, and  if behaviour can be learned, it is therefore something that can be taught, and, well… I am a teacher, right? TEACHING IS MY JOB.

If we think about behaviour as a teaachable skill, just like reading, it becomes pretty obvious that we can’t expect every child to go about learning to behave in the same way, at the same rate. Just as children start kindergarten (or first grade, or second, or eighth…) with a wide range of reading abilities, so, too, do they start with a wide range of “behaving” abilities.


Let’s look at 3 different examples, to illustrate this:

Hypothetical kiddo #1: Edouardo. Edouardo is a  very, VERY, good reader. Reading comes  easily and naturally to him. He is intrinsically motivated to read, and makes good progress without  a lot of intervention from his teachers or parents. With Edouardo, the best gift you can give him is to get out of his way, provide him with lots of good books, and be there to provide gentle hints if he gets stuck.

Hypothetical kiddo #2: Eloise. Eloise finds reading challenging at times, but she works hard at it. She sometimes needs more than one reminder of the strategies she can use, and  occasional one-on-one intervention, but generally, she is on track. She finds some parts of reading really difficult, but others quite manageable. She needs to learn progressively, mastering one skill or strategy at a time. You have moments when you worry about her, but overall, she is on track. Her progress is slow, but steady, and she builds literacy skills at a rate that is perfectly normal for her age group.

Hypothetical kiddo #3: Georgia. Georgia finds reading extraordinarily difficult, and struggles with it every single day.  Her progress is much slower than that of her peers, and she has frequent setbacks, suddenly seeming to “forget” a skill that she appeared to have mastered yesterday.  She needs lots of individual coaching and intervention. You consult your school’s literacy specialist about her, and you do research on your own time to find strategies that may help.  You worry that there may be  an underlying issue causing her struggles: a learning disability, a developmental delay,  a vision  or fine motor issue, or maybe there is something going on at home that is affecting her academic progress. Georgia may also just be a little less mature than her peers, in the areas that are really important for reading.

I’m sure that you all recognize Edouardo, Eloise and Georgia. I’m sure you have all TAUGHT Edouardo, Eloise, and Georgia. Obviously, you would not expect Georgia to read the same books as Edouardo, or even as Eloise, but you hope that she might get there eventually. Nor would you praise Edouardo for whipping through an emergent reader when he is more than capable of tackling chapter books. At least, I HOPE you would not allow Edouardo to stagnate in the world of emergent readers… I hope you would push him to read at his very best, every day. And you would make sure that he feels supported and encouraged, and that he knows you SEE what a gifted reader he is. But I also hope that you wouldn’t repeatedly, publicly, compare your other students’ reading skills to his — how demoralizing for them, and how alienating for him, right?

Now, take a minute and , go back through the descriptions of each of thee three kiddos, and replace “reading” with “behaviour.”

You still recognize them, don’t you?

THINK of the similarities:

A child who struggles to read will figure out compensatory strategies, some of which are adaptive, and some of which are disruptive.

A child who struggles to read is already aware that others can do so.

A child who struggles to read probably doesn’t know WHY he or she is struggling.

A child who is an excellent reader will probably not be motivated by the strategies that are helpful for more typical, or struggling readers.

A child who is an excellent reader may be embarrassed if attention is constantly drawn to his or her strengths.

If behaviour is a skill, like reading, every child arrives with a different level of ability.

If behaviour is a skill, like reading, we cannot blame or shame a child who struggles with it.

If behaviour is a skill, like reading, children’s individual abilities and progress (or lack thereof) have REASONS behind them.

If behaviour is a skill, like reading, it is OUR JOB to figure out the reasons.

(We could go on and on here, can’t we? In fact, let’s do it! In the comments, feel free to add your own examples to the “If behaviour is a skill, like reading…..” or “A child who struggles to read….” lists!)

If we don’t use a “one sized fits all” approach to supporting children’s reading skills, WHY ON EARTH would we do it for their behaviour?

(P.S.: I know. I know many of you following this series ALREADY KNOW THIS STUFF, ALREADY BELIEVE IT. One of my goals for this series is to give you words and examples to share with others, and I think this way of understanding behaviour is crucial as we advocate for classrooms that better meet the needs of ALL our students.)

So: go forth and share. Next up, we will talk to your admins. I PROMISE!!

To find links to all the posts in this series, in one place, please visit my Chuck the Chart page. 


Chuck the Chart, Part 1: But why?

This is part 1 of a multi-part series about how and why to consider removing a chart-based behavior management “system” from your classroom. To read the introduction to the entire series, click here.

Oh my goodness, I am so excited to be posting this! My first post about why I don’t use behaviour charts set up a hypothetical situation where a publicly posted chart was used in an employment setting, and, while I still think that post drives home the emotional impact of these sorts of systems, I thought it may be helpful to do a point-by-point breakdown of the biggest reasons why, to me, these systems are problematic. Before we start, though, let’s lay some vocabulary groundwork, to make sure we are all speaking the same language. When I refer to a behaviour chart, I specifically mean a system that is publicly posted, where each individual child has a clip or a card or a jar or a row to indicate how he or she is doing that day. This includes stoplight-style charts, clip charts, sticker charts, individual marble jars, etc. Charts record the daily progress of individual children, in a way that invites direct comparison. If you have no clue what I am talking about, do a google image search for “behavior chart”, and you will see a bajillion examples. So, with that understood, here are my four big objections to these charts:

1. They are public. If you have used these systems, you know. It is the same kids who lose cards/clip down, every day. The rest of the class knows it, too. The kids go home and tell their parents “Mariah lost all her cards/was on red AGAIN today. She is ALWAYS on red.” When parents come into your room, for pickup or drop off, or to volunteer, or for parent-teacher conferences, they see the chart, too. How is poor Mariah EVER going to get a fresh start or see herself as capable of progress, if every single person who comes into the room can see that she is on red. AGAIN???  To me, displaying these charts publicly is a way to use public shaming and humiliation as a way to control children’s behaviour, and that seems completely incompatible with creating a safe and nurturing environment. We can manage our classrooms without using shame to do it.

2. They do not allow for individual development, needs, situations, or progress. For some kids, constant interrupting is a behaviour we are trying to diminish. For others, the problem is that they NEVER EVER speak up during class discussions. If you have a publicly posted behaviour system, and one of the “clip downable” offenses is interrupting, what do you do on the day that your meekest, shyest, never-says-boo little mouse FINALLY shares an idea during circle time, but HAPPENS to interrupt when he does it? Does he clip down for interrupting? Do you think he will EVER speak up again if he does?

3. They create comparison and competition instead of building community. I know. “The world is competitive and they are going to have to learn to compete.” But is that any more true than “They need to learn to be kind, to collaborate, to support one another, to be tolerant of others who are different from them, to never take pleasure in someone else’s pain, that their successes should never come at someone else’s expense…?” Yes,our students will have to compete: for jobs, for college placements, and for some, on a sports field… someday. That is not an argument that they need to start now. They will also watch R-rated movies, stay up until 11pm, drive cars, use matches, SOMEDAY. It doesn’t make it safe or appropriate for them do to any of those things NOW. I don’t want my students to see their classmates as competition. I want them to see our classroom as a family full of people who help one another, and where different people work on different skills in different ways, at different rates, at different times, using different tools.

Kids already know who is ahead and who is lagging. They don't need a chart to reinforce this.

Kids already know who is ahead and who is lagging. They don’t need a chart to reinforce this.

4. They are reward-based. The research on rewards is pretty clear. As my friend Alfie Kohn says (ok, it is a stretch to call him my friend, but bear with me): “This is one of the most thoroughly replicated findings in the field of social psychology: the more you reward people for doing something, the more they tend to lose interest in whatever they had to do to get the reward… More specifically, researchers have found that people’s interest in a task ordinarily plummets when they are acutely aware of being evaluated on their performance — even if the evaluation is positive.” (The Schools Our Children Deserve) All of the following count as rewards:

  • actual trinkets from a treasure chest or class “store”
  • a sticker on a chart
  • special play time/extra recess/a class party
  • the simple act of moving  a clip or card “up” a chart

Yes, in the short-term, rewards work, if by “work” you mean that they produce compliance in the form of desired behaviours. They do not, however, build kids’ self-regulatory capacities, decision-making skills, or intrinsic motivation. I want my students to do the right thing BECAUSE it is the right thing, not because it will earn them a treat. As my good friend Matt B Gomez has been known to say: behaviour systems are about the teacher controlling the kids, not about the kids learning to control themselves.

There you have it. Those are the 4 big reasons why I think we can do so much better than charts for our students. I have a million examples and clarifications for each of these, so if any of them are not clear, hit me in the comments. Often, when I have this conversation, people raise the following points:

But Amy, my chart is ONLY for recognizing good behaviour. Kids never lose points/stickers/marbles. They never have to “clip down.”

If it is publicly posted and creates direct comparisons between children, it is still a chart, and there are still kids who NEVER clip-up, and other who clip all the way to the top within an hour of arriving at school. 

But Amy, I don’t use the kids’ names. I assign them numbers so that it is anonymous.

Kids can count. Within a few weeks, they will know exactly who belongs to which number.

I use a collective system where small groups of children earn points/marbles/pompoms/stickers for their team. This, to me, is BETTER than a publicly posted individual system, but it is still a reward-based system, and it creates comparison/competition. The team who has THAT KID (you all know THAT KID. You have all taught THAT KID every year.) will feel like they are at a disadvantage.

I know. I am kind of being hard-nosed about what a chart is, and why I don’t believe in them, but to me, this is something we need to be very clear about. For those of you looking to Chuck the Chart, YOU need to be very clear about what charts are and why they are problematic, because next up: we’re going to talk to your administrators… Stay tuned!

And, hey, if you have questions, please post them in the comments. I will answer there, and will probably add them to this post. Remember: if YOU have a question, someone else probably has it, too!


Chucking the Chart: The Introduction

(A little background: two years ago, I wrote a post about why I do not use behaviour charts in my classroom, and it went nearly-viral. To this day, it remains the most popular post on my blog, and it generates the most questions, the most discussion, the most debate, of anything I have ever written.)

Ever since I started the “Ask Miss Night” feature of my blog, a significant majority of the questions I get are about HOW, EXACTLY, teachers can go about getting rid of their behaviour charts or systems. I am so grateful to those of you who have sent in your questions, because you have helped me understand that there are more barriers to “chucking the chart” than I ever realized. I am also SO THRILLED that there seem to be a large number of teachers who are willing to consider getting rid of their charts, and managing their classrooms in a way that better honours children’s dignity.

So. I started off to write one big giant post: The Ultimate Guide to Chucking the Chart. But the more I wrote, the more I realized: this needs to be a SERIES of posts, and the comments from one section may help inform the next sections. I want it to be like an FAQ about chart-free classrooms, and I want to do the best possible job of answering your questions.

SO, please be patient. I promise to get each post up as quickly as possible (and I’m so excited about this that they are coming together pretty darn quickly!). I’ve started working on all of the following questions, which have come from many of you:

  • Why should I take down the chart? (This is, in large part, answered in my original post: Too High a Price, but I will flesh out the 3 specific reasons you should re-consider chart-based classroom management.) Update July 15 – This has been posted under part 1 of the series: Chuck The Chart: But Why?
  • How do I go about removing my chart from my classroom?
  • What do I do INSTEAD of a chart system? (This, also, is largely answered in Behaviour Management: Not Systems but Relationships, but I’ll share a few more tips and tricks, too.)
  • My administrator/district requires a publicly posted classroom management plan. How can I persuade them that there are better alternatives?
  • Without a chart, how do I keep parents updated on their child’s daily behaviour?
  • My report card has a mandatory citizenship/behaviour section. How do I assign a grade without keeping track of how often a child is on red/green/purple/happy face/sad face?
  • How do I respond to colleagues who think that charts are the bees knees?
  • This is really scary for me. Do I have to go “all out” right away? Can I ease into this chart-free business?
  • How does a chart-free classroom work with special populations? (If anyone out there would like to collaborate with me on this section, please let me know, as my experience base with special populations is pretty limited.) 

Are there any more sections i should add? Are there other questions I am missing? PLEASE share them in the comments, and talk to one another, too!

In the meantime, in case you missed them the first time around, please re-read (and SHARE!) the posts that started it all, and which remain the most popular pieces I have ever written:

Too High A Price: Why I Don’t Do Behaviour Charts

Behaviour Management: Not Systems, but Relationships

Update, July 17, 2014: The series has started, and you can find the links below:

Part 1: But Why?

Part 2: Behavior is like reading

I’ve also added a page completely dedicated to this series: Chuck the Chart. 

I am so excited about this project, and I love the idea of this blog becoming a go-to place for relationship-based classroom management.

Because our kids deserve better than colour-coded clothespins.